


A Family Emergency

by Moraghh33



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-14
Updated: 2014-05-14
Packaged: 2018-01-24 20:28:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1616057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moraghh33/pseuds/Moraghh33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'"It's an incest artefact!" Claudia never thought she'd sound so excited to say those words. "Game of Thrones is super incest-y and Pete and Myka are basically siblings – it can't be a coincidence!"' This is Bering and Wells; let's be real, guys. They wrote the ending wrong and we all know it... probably.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Family Emergency

“Steve!”

“Claude!” he exclaimed in shock as Claudia barged into her surrogate brother’s bedroom and she would have laughed at his wide-eyed alarm if she hadn’t come to discuss an incredibly serious issue that seemed to have emerged in the group.

“Jinksy, we have a problem,” she said as she carefully shut the door behind her and went to sit on his bed, sleeves rolled up and forearms resting on her thighs: serious business mode.

“We do?”

“Not me and you ‘we’, the team ‘we’,” she rolled her eyes, a little frustrated that he hadn’t already read her mind and figured out what it was they needed to fix. This was world-ending, catastrophe-inducing badness; and she really hoped that that wasn’t literal because, who knows, if H.G. was having a bad day when she heard, it could well be...

“Well why are we secreted away in my room if everyone’s involved?” Steve’s confusion was a little adorable, she had to admit.

“Because the members of the team who have this problem aren’t going to believe that they have this problem because they have totally and utterly been whammied – like serious powerful mojo whammied – and I have no proof except that it’s blindingly obvious and there’s no other explanation for something so clearly against the laws of physics and reality.”

“Claude-?”

“Come on, Jinksy! Pete and Myka! It’s not right! You know it, I know it, the rest of the world knows it; damn it, Jinksy, the Warehouse totally knows it and it is not happy.”

“The Warehouse-?”

“Yes, the Warehouse,” she huffed. “I may be less certain about this whole Caretaker thing right now, but I’m still connected to it and, in the absence of anyone else, it’s yelling at me loud and clear with a boot up my butt that this Pyka crap has got to stop.” He gaped at her and she levelled him with a glare, daring him to look into her eyes and see the 100% truth that she was saying. “And besides, the nausea we all feel when they’re together isn’t just because it’s gross and incestuous, it’s because there’s that god-awful smell of fudge in the air that is just screaming ‘artefact’. You know I’m right, Steve,” she finished, her voice quieting with the seriousness of their predicament. “Pete and Myka getting together makes about as much sense as you and me getting together.”

“But I’m gay and we’re practically siblings.” She only had to raise an eyebrow before he caught on. “Oh. Yeah, I suppose that’s a pretty good parallel.”

“Right?!” Claudia let out a sigh of relief that her partner seemed to be coming around. “It’s insane and we need to do something about it! We need to break them up-”

“Woah, woah, woah,” the blue eyed man stopped her, hands raised. “Claude, if they’re happy together then what’s the harm? They’re not actually siblings; technically nothing bad is happening and we shouldn’t meddle if we don’t have to-”

“Steve it’s an artefact! This isn’t just two friends making bad decisions; this is their ability to decide being taken away from them! It’s not meddling when it’s our actual job and you know as well as I do that all artefacts have downsides that we can’t predict-”

Suddenly Claudia's rant was interrupted by her Farnsworth.

“H.G.!” the young agent gulped as she opened the device and saw the stony face of the British ex-agent. _Please say she doesn’t know about Pete and Myka and that I will manage to get through this conversation without letting on._ “How’re you-”

“Claudia,” H.G.’s voice as she cut her off was horribly calm, entirely incongruous with the fury burning in her eyes. “I’ve just had a conversation with Myka.” _Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap-_ “I assume you have started investigating whatever artefact has affected her? I need you to email me all your research thus far so I can be up to date when I arrive-”

“H.G.-”

“Don’t even think about telling me she’s not been affected, Claudia,” the writer cut her off, nostrils flaring. “You know almost as well as I do that Myka Bering is not and cannot be in love with Pete Lattimer.”

“I know, I know,” Claudia tried to placate the woman who had nearly destroyed the world, “of course she’s not, but we haven’t exactly had time to look into anything yet. I’ve literally just grabbed Steve now to start our investigation.”

“Hi H.G.,” Steve smiled and did a cute dorky little wave as he stepped into the Farnsworth’s view.

“Hello, Steven,” H.G. replied with a gracious smile before her eyes hardened again. “Why is this not a whole team investigation? This is a serious issue-”

“Because they only just got together and none of us saw it coming- It was an artefact, you know?” Claudia protested, needing to defend their rate of investigation. “It’s not like it made any sense; they were perfectly normal and sibling-y and then Pete suddenly started avoiding Myka like a week ago and then today they, well-”

“Came out,” Steve supplied helpfully. “But they’re not lying,” he continued, perhaps unaware of how dangerous what he was about to say to H.G. was. “Pete really is in love with Myka and she really is in love with him-”

“No she is not,” the writer practically hissed at him. “She might believe she is because of some kind of artefact-induced psychosis, but she is not in love with Pete.”

“Ok, ok,” Claudia soothed, even as she gave Steve an ‘are you completely stupid?!’ side eye, “no arguments here, just that’s why this investigation has only just started and obviously we have to keep it on the down low from Pete and Myka because these kind of whammies are difficult to accept when you’re the one who’s been whammied-”

“Alright, alright,” H.G. cut her off, nodding her huffy acceptance of the excuse, “I understand, but I am on my way anyway because this needs to be fixed-”

“Ok, you’re right,” Claudia cut her off to gain some momentum so she would be brave enough to carry on with what she really needed to say to the Brit, “but when we’ve fixed this me and you are going to have a conversation about why it’s quite so important to you that we fix this.”

“Ok, but I don’t know what you want to talk about, Claudia; I would have thought it perfectly obvious: Myka is a very good friend of mine and I am rightfully concerned for her wellbeing-”

“Cut the crap, H.G.,” the young agent’s long suppressed anger at the older woman gave her courage as it began to creep to the surface. “You know exactly what I’m talking about and I’m losing patience with the way you’re hurting Myka. She’s part of my family and I’ve been learning all about how to look after my family recently, particularly how to look after older sisters, so trust me when I say we’re going to have a conversation about this.”

The writer stared at her for a moment, mouth opening and closing as she searched for an appropriate defence. Apparently she couldn’t find one.

“I’ll be there tomorrow morning,” was all she said and Claudia felt a strange mixture of terror and triumph as the screen cut to black.

“Claude, now you’re verging on meddling.”

“There’s a difference between meddling and having an intervention,” she countered firmly. “H.G. being away from the Warehouse, away from us, away from Myka; that’s almost as wrong as Pete and Myka being together.” She paused, needing another moment to deal with the wave of nausea that hit her at the thought of ‘Pyka’. “Ok; nothing’s quite that wrong, but it’s close.”

“I hate to admit it,” Steve said with a sigh, “but I have to agree.”

“Of course you do,” Claudia grinned; “you have eyeballs and a brain.”

* * *

“So do you have an excuse to give as to why you’re visiting?” Claudia asked as she met H.G. outside the B’n’B.

“Naturally,” the Brit said with a smirk as she hefted her bag from the taxi; “you called me to give you some engineering advice on a project you’re working on and we decided in the end that the full extent of my genius could be better brought to bear if I came here in person.”

“Of course,” Claudia rolled her eyes at the woman’s arrogance but couldn’t help grinning; _it still counts as arrogance when it’s totally and utterly justified by her genuine genius, right? Even if she is a complete dumbshow emotionally... says she..._

Pete and Myka were, thankfully, at the Warehouse with Artie, checking on some of the more unstable artefacts after the shake around with the Compass, so they didn’t have to deal with the incest-induced nausea for the moment. And H.G. had a bit more time to get used to being back in South Dakota before being hit in the face with Pyka which, Claudia realised, was probably a very good thing. H.G. wasn’t exactly known for her level-headed reactions to things she didn’t like.

“So,” the Brit said with a sigh as they sat down at the table with their teas and coffees, “what have we got? Have you had a chance to look into anything yet?” Claudia shot her a sharp look as she clocked the tired and aching tone that had managed to surface in H.G.’s usually well-regulated voice. Her conviction about a certain conversation they were going to have got a little stronger.

“Not much,” Steve replied, passing over the file they’d put together so far for H.G. to peruse. “We’ve been going through the recent cases that they’ve been on together and not really come up with much that looks relevant.”

“Problem is it’s hard to know what’s relevant,” Claudia let out her own sigh, almost as pained as she was encouraged by the sadness on H.G.’s face.

“Indeed,” the writer agreed as she scanned the file; “but isn’t that always our challenge? Is that not what we are trained to discover as Warehouse agents?”

“Well, ‘trained’ is a pretty loose term in my case,” Claudia countered and couldn’t help the snark in her voice as she carried on, “and I’m not sure the ‘we’ and the ‘Warehouse agents’ work so well coming from you anymore.”

H.G. met her gaze for a moment and Claudia just about managed not to wilt under the glare, but the older woman made no comeback.

Several hours passed and they made little progress. Claudia began to really hope they’d find at least some kind of lead soon because their Victorian visitor was becoming more and more cranky as the frustration got the better of her. The young agent wasn’t sure the Brit would cope if Pete and Myka came back from the Warehouse together, which they could well do at any time.

Claudia winced as H.G. slammed down another barren useless file and, in her tension, nearly had a heart attack as her Farnsworth went off. _Please be Artie, please be Artie, please be Artie-_

“Myka,” she said with a strained voice, trying and failing not to show her tension as she flipped open the box and saw the curly-haired agent’s face on the screen. H.G.’s head shot up, eyes narrowing and Claudia could almost have sworn she felt the laser death heat burning into her from the ferocity of her gaze. “What’s up?” _Light, normal conversation; don’t give anything away._

“We’ve got a ping, apparently,” Myka said, glancing a little distractedly over her shoulder and Claudia sighed an internal sigh of relief that her friend’s usual sharpness was lessened by her distraction.

“Apparently?” Claudia repeated, questioning.

“Yeah, well Artie’s sending me and Pete to check something out in London, but it doesn’t really seem all that artefact-y and he’s been acting really weird all morning. I was just wondering if you’d come here and keep an eye on him,” the concern on Myka’s face really was sweet. “You know, this whole ‘probably nearing the end of Warehouse 13’ has got to be a pretty big deal for him, I just thought-”

“Yeah, sure,” Claudia agreed, wondering if Artie’s ‘weirdness’ was genuine or if he had realised he smelt fudge whenever Pete and Myka were together too... “Me and Steve will head over. Um,” she hesitated, needing to make sure she got this question right, “are you leaving right away?”

“Yup,” Myka nodded, “Pete’s just finishing up one last little thing and then we’ll be on our way.”

“Ok, we’ll head over now then.”

“Great; thanks, Claude.”

“No problem.”

The screen switched to black and Claudia looked up at the blue and brown eyes of her friends watching her.

“They’re coming here now then?” H.G. said, her voice low as she took a long slow breath.

“Yeah,” Claudia confirmed, eyeing the older woman worriedly. “I think we should all go to the Warehouse and bring Artie in on this, you know, fresh pair of eyes, fresh mind, and he’s probably onto it already anyway-”

“And if we time it right it means I won’t encounter Myka and Pete here in their coupledom, yes?”

“Yes,” Claudia sighed; there really was little point trying to put one over on H.G. freakin’ Wells.

“Well,” the Brit sighed resignedly, “I have to say I approve of that as a plan; just the concept is nauseating enough, let alone having to actually see it.”

“Agreed,” Steve and Claudia said in unison.

“We spend way too much time together,” Steve muttered as Claudia grinned.

They stayed for another ten minutes or so, hoping that would give Pete plenty of time to finish whatever it was he was finishing so the ‘couple’ wouldn’t still be at the Warehouse when they arrived, and then they set off.

“Oh crap balls,” Claudia muttered as they pulled up outside the Warehouse and saw Myka’s car still sat there. “Um-”

“It’s ok, Claudia,” H.G. said, drawing in a deep breath and setting her shoulders. “I’m sure I will cope if the rest of you can.”

Claudia just about managed to not say that the rest of them a) weren’t known for having a world-destroying temper and b) weren’t in love with Myka.

Just as they got out of the car, the Warehouse door beeped and swung open as Myka and Pete strolled out, fingers twined together.

“Helena?” Myka stopped dead as she saw the Brit, her hand immediately detaching from Pete’s. Claudia watched in a kind of morbid fascination as Myka’s face ran the gamut of emotions that H.G.’s presence always inspired in her while simultaneously trying to find space for the artefact-induced Pete-euphoria she was experiencing. “Helena, what are you doing here?” she asked, her voice aiming for light and casual and epically failing. She suddenly clasped hold of Pete’s hand firmly again and Claudia felt her stomach lurch.

“Myka,” H.G. stepped forward and then stopped herself, her hands clasping together; Claudia could read the tension on her body like it was written in bold print. “I, uh, I was chatting with Claudia and she’s asked me to help her on a project.”

“A project?” Myka sounded sceptical and wounded already, shooting brow-furrowed glances at Claudia. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming when we spoke yesterday?”

“We only made this plan yesterday evening, darling,” H.G. replied and Claudia watched, equally impressed and annoyed, as the older woman found her steadiness and reapplied her mask of teasing composure. “I thought it would be more fun to surprise you than call you again.”

“Oh,” Myka’s furrowed brow did not relax. If anything the furrows ran deeper and Claudia watched the familiar process of Myka shutting down her emotions in order to deal with H.G. and the distance the author kept between them. A flash of confusion swept through green eyes as Myka perhaps realised that her emotional response to H.G. didn’t really sit well next to her ‘love’ of Pete, but it soon glazed over as the artefact took hold again. “Well it’s a shame we won’t get to see you much,” she said, a strange brightness now on her face and in her voice as she clasped Pete’s hand between two of hers. “We’re just about to go out on a ping for a few days, but if you’re still here when we get back we can all have a catch up together.”

Claudia flinched as the wrongness of Myka’s use of the word ‘we’ in that first clause nearly broke H.G.’s control; the idea that Pete should be present when Myka and H.G. ‘caught up’ was just absurd.

“Yes,” H.G. responded bravely and Claudia had to admire her. “That would be lovely.”

“Ok then,” Pete said with a large, jovial, Pete-grin. “Hopefully see you guys later then. Come on, hon,” he said to Myka, his arm going around her waist as they moved towards Myka’s car.

H.G. seemed to have been frozen solid, her face set in a kind of horrified rictus as she watched. _Oh lord help me,_ Claudia winced, glancing at an equally nervous Steve before approaching the Brit.

“Breathe, H.G.,” she murmured even as she smiled and waved at Pete and Myka driving away. “It’s just an artefact; they’ve just been whammied.”

They got H.G. inside, the Brit eventually managing to compose herself enough to protest that she was fine, just nauseated in the same way that they were. Claudia decided it was probably wise not to point out that no one else seemed to be experiencing nausea in a way that made them look like they wanted to kill Pete through slow and painful torture.

“Artie!” Claudia called out as she opened the door at the other end of the Umbilicus.

“I’m right here, you don’t have to yell so loud- H.G.!” he looked shocked for a moment as they all traipsed in but quickly shrugged. “Well I suppose that makes sense. You all realise that Pete and Myka have been affected by an artefact, yes?”

“Obviously,” H.G. agreed, smiling with almost relieved satisfaction. “Hello Artie,” she greeted him, “I’m glad you’re in agreement.”

“I’m sure you are,” the older man snarked brusquely, “but it’s pretty hard to miss what with the overpowering stench of fudge rolling off them not to mention the fact that it’s just- it’s just-”

“Gross is what it is,” Claudia furnished him with the word.

“Well, yes; that describes it pretty well.” One of his ginormous eyebrows rose as glanced at H.G.. “At least it seems to have kicked you up the backside so maybe some good will come of it.” Claudia barely contained her cackle as H.G. opened her mouth indignantly in an attempt to protest but, again, she couldn’t find the words. The young agent looked at Artie as he bustled on, handing them all files to look through; _of course he’s clocked H.G. and Myka – he may be older than God but he’s not blind or stupid. Need to stop underestimating Artie’s emotional understanding._ “I sent them on a fake mission to London, so we should have plenty of time while they’re gone to sort out this mess.”

* * *

“What did you just say?” Claudia’s head shot up as they sat around Artie’s office several fruitless hours later, that niggling feeling that she was about to stumble upon something important ringing loudly in her head.

“That this is beginning to even affect them outside of their relationship with each other?” Artie repeated, a confused frown on his face.

“No the example you gave-?”

“Myka said she enjoyed the television adaptation of a book to the extent that she said Pete didn’t have to read the book to get the most out of it?”

“Yes!” Claudia could practically feel all the pieces falling into place in her head and really hoped they’d keep falling as H.G.’s almost desperately expectant eyes burned into her. “It’s _Game of Thrones_!”

“What?” was the confused response from all three of her companions.

“We’ve been going about this all wrong – it’s got nothing to do with any cases they’ve worked. Dude, it even fits the time scales and everything!”

“Claudia-” the warning tone in H.G.’s voice was enough to get the young agent into explanation-mode very quickly.

“Myka’s been reading the _‘A Song of Ice and Fire’_ series by George R.R. Martin which is now also a TV series that Pete absolutely loves: _Game of Thrones_. He got the box set for series one a couple of weeks ago and I know he persuaded Myka to watch a couple of episodes the other day to prove that TV adaptations of books she likes can be good!”

“I still don’t understand how this could have caused- could have caused-”

“It’s an incest artefact!” Claudia never thought she’d sound so excited to say those words. “ _Game of Thrones_ is super incest-y and Pete and Myka are basically siblings – it can’t be a coincidence!”

“There’s no such thing as coincidence when you work in the Warehouse,” H.G. agreed, a light of hope and excitement finding its way onto her face. “Right, we need to find that DVD-”

“Back to the B’n’B!” Claudia cried, her own excitement at the prospect of losing the nauseating grossness of ‘Pyka’ welling up.

They sped back to town, Claudia searching through her memory for where she had last seen that DVD box and praying to whoever would listen that the nightmare of ‘Pyka’ would soon be over.

They all snapped on purple gloves, Claudia and Steve being especially careful because their relationship was of a similar nature to Pete and Myka’s real one and they did not want to end up being affected by the artefact in the same way. Claudia was fairly certain the DVD would be up in Pete’s room, it wasn’t exactly a family viewing kind of show, but she sent Jinksy to investigate the living room TV just in case before she led Artie and H.G. up to Pete’s room, warning them to hold their breath as it could get a little ripe in there sometimes. H.G.’s nose wrinkled in scornful disgust before they even reached Pete’s door and Claudia made a mental note that she would also have to have a conversation with H.G. to make sure she fully grasped the fact that none of this was Pete’s fault either and so she really shouldn’t let jealous fury make her want to kill him.

“There it is!” Claudia cried, relief warring with anxiety that this wasn’t the artefact as she took out her foil bag and carefully picked up the DVD case. She glanced up at H.G. and saw the same emotions raging even stronger on her face and she prayed again that please, god, this would work.

H.G. all but whimpered when no sparks and no reaction came from the DVD case as it was dropped in the snag bag.

“Wait!” Claudia squeaked desperately with a realisation, “I didn’t check all the discs; one might be missing and that could affect it.” She met H.G.’s eye briefly and saw the older woman working hard to curb her fear as she nodded. “There!” Claudia felt almost triumphant with relief as she slid open the DVD case and saw one of the discs was missing. She was slightly nonplussed when she opened the DVD player’s draw and found the _Mamma Mia_ disc inside but thankfully her sharp brain made the leap and she grabbed the _Mamma Mia_ case, sighing with relief as she saw the _Game of Thrones_ disc inside. _How many times have I scolded Pete for doing that?!_

“This time,” H.G. murmured, her gaze intense as Claudia held the now complete box set over the foil bag.

“Oh thank god,” Artie wheezed as purple sparks erupted from the bag in a fantastic shower.

“Thank god indeed!” H.G. cried, her eyes bright and relieved laughter tumbling beautifully from her. Claudia felt her chest ache as she took in the unrestrained joy that was pouring from the older woman. _H.G. Wells, you have some explaining to do; you belong here, not out there._

“Steve!” Claudia called out as they exited Pete’s room. “Steve we got it!”

“Did it work? Was it an artefact?” her bestie’s hopeful face appeared at the bottom of the stairs as they made their descent.

“Yup,” she grinned at him and saw his relief matched her own. “I know, right? I haven’t been this relieved since we stopped the Warehouse moving to China.”

“So, since yesterday?” he grinned at her.

“My life involves a lot of being worried and then being greatly relieved,” she rejoined, nudging him affectionately in the ribs as she reached the bottom. “Deal with it.”

“Do we know if they’re cured yet? Have we talked to them?” he asked as they all moved toward the conservatory and sat around the table.

“Not yet,” H.G. replied and Claudia could sense the nervousness and doubt beginning to creep back to the writer.

“I’ll call them now,” the young agent replied, meeting the Brit’s eye in an attempt to reassure her.

She flipped open her Farnsworth, trying not to think about the fact that her hands were suddenly sweaty with worry that it might not have worked. She rang Myka and waited.

And waited.

There was no response. She glanced up at her three companions and swallowed heavily, trying not to let fear enter her mind. Pyka may be gross but Pete and Myka were two of her best friends, members of her family; nothing bad was allowed to happen to them.

“Give it a couple of minutes and then try again,” Steve cut into the yawning silence, ever the calm voice of reason. “There’s probably a very sensible explanation as to why they’re not answering.”

“Right,” Artie agreed, nodding and standing. “I made cookies earlier, who wants one?” He bustled off to the kitchen without waiting for replies and Steve glanced from Claudia to him and back again. Claudia urged him to use his GBFF powers to read her mind and see that he should go after Artie so she could talk to H.G. for a minute. He frowned at her and then seemed to get the idea.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll go put the kettle on,” he said as he rose from the table and wandered off.

“H.G.?” Claudia said gently and waited a few moments until the older woman’s blankly staring eyes rose to meet hers. “You realise you’re doing a crappy job of hiding quite how worried you are right now, don’t you?”

H.G. blinked, sitting up suddenly in her chair and shaking herself a little.

“Of course I’m a little concerned, Claudia,” she said, but there was still a tiny shake in her voice. “Two of my friends have been affected by an artefact and are now not answering calls – a little worry is only natural.”

“H.G. there really is no point in lying to me about this right now, not just because even now I can see you shaking, but because I know that you’re in love with her. Just like she’s in love with you.”

“Don’t be preposterous, Claudia,” the older woman attempted to scoff after a moment’s deer-in-the-headlights hesitation. “Myka and I are just good friends-”

“Good friends who are in love with each other,” Claudia cut her off, her patience for H.G.’s facade running out. “Good friends who are both hurting because they’re not together. Don’t you see what you’re doing to her? And for what? You’re afraid of yourself at the Warehouse? That’s crap, H.G., and you know it. You’re only dangerous when you isolate yourself and that’s what you’re doing by living as Emily Lake. And even all that aside, leaving the Warehouse doesn’t mean you have to leave Myka! What’s to stop you living here in Univille, just as much a normal citizen as you are in Boone or wherever, but without breaking Myka’s heart?! And breaking your own too!? For frak’s sake, H.G., I thought you were supposed to be smart, but you’ve been a complete dumbass for 18 months straight now.”

Silence reigned for a few seconds and the thought passed through Claudia’s righteously rageful mind that she’d never seen H.G. Wells rendered speechless so many times in 24 hours before.

“Have a cookie,” Artie ordered gruffly as he came back in with a plate of chocolate chip cookies and plonked himself down on his chair again, soon followed by Steve bearing a tray of tea.

“I think I’ll try them again now,” Claudia said, the anger gone from her voice as she met H.G.’s shining eyes and saw vulnerability in them. She flipped open the Farnsworth, dialling into Myka’s channel and trying not to hold her breath.

“Claude?” Myka’s bleary-eyed face appeared in the little screen and everyone around the table let out massive sighs of relief. Claudia couldn’t help glancing up at H.G. to see the trembling joyous relief on her face.

“Myka! Thank god, you guys ok?”

“Yeah, uh,” she hesitated, looking a little confused and then- “Oh god-”

“Myka?!” the curly-haired agent had dropped the Farnsworth and all they could see was what looked like the ceiling of an airplane; _they must still be in the air on route to London_. And then Claudia realised she could hear the sound of retching. “Myka?”

“Ohhh god,” and then Pete’s face came into view, looking similarly pained and nauseous, his voice a little weak. “Claude, I think we’ve been whammied.”

“Ya think?” she couldn’t help but snark her response.

“I don’t- I don’t know what’s happened but we both just simultaneously passed out and- and- ohh god-” he disappeared again and the Farnsworth clattered to the floor accompanied by more retching.

“We passed out on the plane,” Myka reappeared, her face horribly pale, “and then just woke again a couple of minutes ago and now we both keep throwing up. The flight attendants are beginning to get worried about-” she stopped again, her hand coming to her mouth as she closed her eyes and apparently tried to concentrate on breathing.

“Myka?” Claudia’s voice was gentle but they needed to find out if bagging the artefact had actually achieved what they wanted it to. “Think about kissing Pete. How does that make you feel?”

Green eyes widened in horror and Myka’s hand clamped firmly over her mouth.

“Ohhhh, ohh god-!” she dropped the Farnsworth again and more retching followed.

“I, uh- I think it worked,” Claudia murmured, trying not to let her relieved laughter get too far ahead of her.

* * *

“You better not be doing what I think you’re doing.” Claudia felt her fury rise as she descended the stairs the next morning and saw H.G. gathering her belongings together in the lounge.

“The matter has been resolved, Pete and Myka are safe and on their way back, no longer under the influence of an artefact-”

“H.G.!!” It took everything in Claudia’s power to not just slap the older woman there and then. “God, I could kill you right now! How much of a coward are you!?”

“Claudia-!”

“No, shut up!” the younger girl’s respectful wariness of the legendary H.G. Wells flew right out the window. “I won’t let you leave, so help me god, but I will Tesla you if I have to! Why are you doing this? Why won’t you stay for her? I know you want to so why won’t you?”

“I-”

“And don’t you dare lie to me or pretend you don’t love her because I know you do.”

“I-”

Claudia watched, her heart rate slowing and her fury draining as the statuesque woman before her began to tremble, her dark brown eyes beginning to shine.

“H.G., why?”

“I don’t deserve her.”

The older woman’s voice was tiny, so very un-H.G. Wells, but Claudia was pretty certain she’d heard her right.

“What?”

“I don’t deserve her and she deserves better than me.” Claudia stared at the broken, shaking woman before her. “I’ve murdered people, Claudia; I’ve lived whole lifetimes for vengeance. Christ, I tried to end the entire world. I- I made her trust me and then I broke that trust until it shattered every part of us both. How can you possibly suggest that I deserve to stay here and to live in a world where Myka Bering loves me as much as I love her? How can you think that a just position? How can you wish such a punishment on her?”

“How can you be so selfish?” it was Pete’s voice from the doorway. Claudia and H.G. both span around in shock to see him standing there. And just a pace behind him was Myka, green eyes wide and shining, her gaze fixed on the Brit. “How can you do that to my best friend?”

Pete advanced into the room, his anger apparently growing as he approached H.G., and Claudia realised she should step in to calm him down before he got too protective rather than just focus on her relief that he’d referred to Myka as his best friend and not his girlfriend.

“Pete,” Claudia stepped forward, putting a hand on Pete’s arm. “Let’s let them talk about this, ok?” She met his eye for a moment and smiled as he took a breath and nodded.

“Ok,” he agreed before turning to Myka, “but you heard the bit where she said she loved you, right?” Myka looked at him, her eyes still wide and almost pleading. “Right? You can’t let her make you think she doesn’t because you just heard her admit it out loud, right? Mykes?”

“R-right,” Myka’s voice was shaky as she met Pete’s gaze in apparent realisation that he needed her to confirm it.

“O-of course I love you, Myka,” H.G.’s voice was distressed as she stepped forward and Myka almost flinched. “I never wanted you to doubt that, I just wanted you to- to-” Claudia watched as Myka’s wide green eyes locked into H.G.’s dark brown ones and realised that she and Pete really needed to get out of there.

“Come on, Pete,” she said softly, moving forward and ushering Pete back out into the hallway. She shepherded him all the way down the corridor to the conservatory, grabbing the plate of cookies from the kitchen as she went. He was doing his deep breathing silent thing that he always did when he was trying to control his anger; cookies always helped with that.

“Claude, you know me well,” he smirked as she pushed him into a seat a put the cookie plate in front of him.

“That I do,” she grinned as she also sat and took a cookie. “So how grossed out are you by the fact that you and Myka dated for almost 24 hours?”

“Claude!” he screwed up his face in disgust, throwing a bit of cookie at her. “Not while I’m eating, please! And you made me waste some cookie by throwing it at you.”

“Serves you right for falling in love with your sister for a week-”

“I was whammied!!” he whined as Claudia cackled

“Damn straight you were, and I have to say, I think this one’s gotta go down as one of the single worst whammies we’ve seen so far; it makes me shudder just to think of it and I didn’t get hit.”

“God, I know,” he groaned, stuffing another cookie into his mouth for comfort. “And it’s not just gross, it’s also totally awkward. Mykes and I have agreed to never mention it ever again, like ever; on pain of death.”

“Probably for the best,” Claudia agreed, still cackling a little.

“What actually was the artefact? I kinda lost what you said in the haze of vomit on the plane.”

“It was that _Game of Thrones_ DVD you got the other week – you know how it’s all incest-y and you made Myka watch it too-?”

“Man, really? Damn, that kinda ruins my argument that DVDs are better than books because books are way more likely to be artefacts.”

“Ha!” Claudia cackled again. “It so does, especially considering quite how bad this whammie was.”

“Well at least she won’t be able to mention it when we’re actually having that argument, you know, ‘cos of the whole ‘pain of death’ thing.”

“She won’t need to mention it, Pete,” Claudia scoffed. “This thing will have scarred you for life; she’ll only need a Myka Bering eyebrow raise and you’ll have to concede the argument.”

“Oh man,” he moaned in acknowledgement. “Stupid Amazon Marketplace; why did I buy it second hand?”

“Live and learn, bro;” Claudia patted him on the arm, “live and learn.”

* * *

“Can I come in?”

“Sure,” Claudia called out, recognising H.G.’s voice as the knocker at her door. The door creaked open and she smiled as the author was revealed standing there looking almost timid as she looked at the young agent where she sat on her bed. Claudia couldn’t help a little smirk as H.G. fiddled with her sleeve a little before she walked with an air of determination into the room, closing the door behind her and perching on the armchair in the corner.

“I, uh, I just wanted- I just wanted to say thank you and to apologise.” Claudia’s eyebrows rose a little but she said nothing, recognising that those things were hard enough for the Brit to do without interruption. Dark brown eyes met hers and she smiled encouragingly at the older woman. “Thank you for caring so much for Myka’s happiness, for not taking any more of my nonsense. Pete was right when he said I was being selfish. I suppose I rather selfishly didn’t realise it was selfish of me to withhold myself from Myka. I... I didn’t understand how she could forgive me enough to want me back as much as she does. Rather foolish of me, really,” H.G. scoffed lightly at herself. “It’s Myka Bering, owner of the world’s biggest heart; of course she has enough love to forgive even me.”

“You need to work on forgiving yourself,” Claudia cut in gently, aware really that that was the crux of the issue.

“Funny you should say that,” H.G. said with a wry smile; “that’s pretty much exactly what Myka said. She is not the only one with a beautifully large heart.” Claudia couldn’t stop the little bashful smile that spread across her face as _the_ H.G. Wells complemented her with such sincerity.

“So what happens now?” Claudia asked; much as she was glad to see that H.G. seemed to be recognising reality a bit more, she still didn’t fully trust that the older woman wouldn’t vanish again. People she loved tended to do that and, she realised with a sudden and forceful rush, H.G. Wells was definitely numbered among the people she loved, stubborn and sometimes selfishly dense as she may be. “Are you coming back to the Warehouse?”

“That is, uh, that is yet to be determined,” the writer said with a small little smile that made Claudia tense. “Don’t worry, darling,” she continued, perhaps reading Claudia’s uncertainty. “I have learned my lesson well enough and will not be parted from Myka unless she wishes it-”

“Which she won’t,” Claudia couldn’t help but interject, relishing the smile that spread on H.G.’s face.

“So I am told,” the Brit murmured softly, fiddling with her sleeve again. “But we must take a little time to, uh, to sort everything out and to understand how to make it work best and... and safest-”

“H.G.,” Claudia had to interrupt again; “I’m pretty certain the only person worried about the safety of you having access to the Warehouse is you; even Artie trusts you completely now. I don’t know whether you know, but I’m pretty tight with the Warehouse these days, and I can promise you that it likes you and would be pretty happy to see you come back.”

“Comforting as it is to hear that, darling, I still need a little time to convince myself that I can be trusted.” H.G.’s smile was warm but sad and Claudia felt that ache in her chest again; perhaps this was another of the reasons why H.G. had kept herself from Myka for so long: fear that she would hurt the curly-haired agent again.

There was another knock at the door and Claudia couldn’t help but wonder at all this polite door-knocking in a building where she usually just had Pete barging into her room.

“Claude?” It was Myka and Claudia smiled as she saw the instant warmth on H.G.’s face at the mere sound of her voice. “Can I come in?”

“Sure, join the party!” the young agent called out, smirking as she glanced at H.G..

“Party?” Myka questioned as she entered, understanding as she saw the Brit. “Oh, hey.” The smile on Myka’s face was unlike any Claudia had seen and it made her chest tighten with happiness for her friends.

“Hello, love,” H.G. murmured as she met Myka’s gaze; Claudia almost felt voyeuristic, intruding on a moment between the two women, before she realised with a chuckle that they were in _her_ room.

“See: party,” she chuckled as Myka and H.G. both snapped back to the moment, a bright red blush swarming up the curly-haired agent’s cheeks.

“I, uh,” Myka hesitated before she entered the room fully, her own hands wringing together a little as she glanced at the writer, seemed to be reassured by what she saw and then turned back to Claudia. “I just wanted to say thanks.” Claudia just about managed to stop herself from snorting in amusement. “I, uh- Thanks for caring enough and for not letting her leave,” there was a semi watery chuckle in Myka’s voice as she spoke and Claudia felt that tightening in her chest yet again.

“You guys are my family,” the redhead said, feeling a little shy but wanting to say it anyway as she stood; “of course I care.”

“Well thanks,” Myka smiled, meeting her eye for a moment. This was the point at which hugs were necessary. Claudia threw her arms around the taller woman, holding her pseudo-sister close as Myka wrapped her arms around her too. Myka always seemed surprised by hugs, but she always gave as good as she got.

“Anytime.”

“Hey hey hey!” Pete burst into the room and Claudia rolled her eyes at the return to the boisterous norm. “Who’s up for pizza and movie night?”

“Uh, I think I’ve enough reason to never watch a DVD ever again,” Myka said with comically wide eyes as she pulled back from the hug but kept an arm around Claudia’s shoulders as they turned to face him.

“Mykes!” he whined, his face screwing up in disgust.

“Seconded,” H.G. said as she rose and moved toward them. Claudia just about managed not to squeal in delight as Myka held her free hand out to the Brit and H.G. took it with a shy smile.

“Besides,” Myka carried on, her smile now wide and beaming like the cat that got the cream, “I’m taking Helena out for dinner tonight.”

“You are?” H.G. asked with a soft smile as she looked up at Myka.

“I am,” the tall brunette confirmed, “so we’re not free.” Again, Claudia had to work hard on containing her squeals.

“Claude?” Pete asked, his own happiness for Myka’s happiness clear on his face.

“How about pizza and games night?” she offered. “I think it’d be safer all round, don’t you?”

“Claude!” Pete protested and the redhead sniggered again. “Ok, deal; but I get to pick the games.”

“Whatever, Lattimer; I’ll beat you at any of them.”

“Oh you’re on, Claude; you’re on!”

He bolted from the room, making the B’n’B echo and rattle with his war cries as he went.

* * *

“It is official: Pete Lattimer has been declared Monopoly king!” Pete’s ‘commentator voice’ boomed in the room as Steve finally had to concede his defeat and declare bankruptcy. “And as King, he demands more drinks from the kitchen; Claudia, as first loser you must be slave and go get more sodas!”

He was insufferable when he was like this, but it was Articulate next and she knew she and Steve would kick Pete and Artie’s butts at that so she took to her slave duties with only an eye roll. She made her way out to the kitchen, trying to work out how many cans of soda she could carry at once, when she thought she saw movement through the conservatory window. Her Warehouse agent wariness kicked in and she crept closer, not needing any new unknown threats in her life right now, and peered out into the darkness.

“Oh!” she just about managed to keep her exclamation quiet as the movement caught her vision again and she realised what it was she had seen. Myka and H.G. were out on the porch, evidently returned from their dinner; Myka had H.G. pressed up against the rail and they were making out like a pair of teenagers. She quickly turned away from the window, a hand coming up to cover the giggle that tried to burst its way from her mouth. And then she realised with great relief that this was the appropriate level of grossed out feeling to be felt from seeing one’s sibling making out with her girlfriend – an entirely different kind of grossed out to what she had experienced from just the thought of Pete and Myka together. “Go Myka!” she did a little fist pump to the air, feeling content satisfaction warm through her as she made her way through to the kitchen. This was how things should be; now all she had to do was kick Pete’s butt at Articulate and the night would be perfect. _Perfection, here we come._

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it and it helped with any post-season 5 rage you may or may not have been experiencing....
> 
> Comments are nice :)


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